


Can I Have This Dance?

by Hello_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Neglect, College AU, Dean Winchester Has ADHD, Depressed Castiel, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, darker than I thought it would be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Trash/pseuds/Hello_Trash
Summary: Castiel is in his second year at Redwood college, he barely survived the first year because of his reckless but caring friends Meg and Luke, and although he isn’t the biggest party animal, he manages to party along at the start of the second year with all his limbs attached. The party thrown in his own dorm is where he meets Dean and his dumb pick up lines and dumb beautiful eyes, and it’s the start of another year filled with trouble.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 3





	1. Have you met the new guy yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter are in the notes if you need them!

Castiel had been told it was gonna be just a few friends, some beers and good music, but because news spread fast around campus, the dorm room he shared was now filled to the brim with loud adolescents screaming along to a song everybody knew because it came out five years ago but recently started to go viral again, with the singer being involved in a robbery or something, Castiel hadn’t cared enough to read the entire article making its rounds on social media, he didn’t even like the song, or the artist.

  
He sighed, put the bottle of whiskey he had brought with him down on the table next to a bowl of several sweet smelling other alcoholic drinks mixed together, and scanned around the room. 

He soon found what he was looking for. Luke, his best friend which he shared a room with, was currently talking to a girl, because- of course he was, he was showing her something on his phone and smiled a big toothy grin at her as soon as she looked up, making her burst out in laughter and elbow him in his side, he pretended to be hurt and put an arm around her shoulder when she rolled her eyes at him, eventually he noticed Castiel, excused himself to the girl and made his way over to him, Castiel felt slightly more relaxed knowing Luke wanted his company.

  
It’s not like Castiel didn’t like parties- or drinking, he just preferred to do it with people he knew, keeping it small and comfortable, he also liked it when it happened last minute, a spontaneous idea of his best friends (one of them happened to be Luke) - instead of a big party like this that had been planned weeks in advance and had grown bigger by the day, with faces he didn’t recognise and a volume he almost couldn’t shout over. 

‘’Heya Cas! Glad you could make it dude.’’

‘’Hello Luke, it’s busier here then I expected, I thought we were just gonna keep it

small this time?’’

‘’Yeah well, you know how these things go.’’ 

Castiel raised an eyebrow,

‘’So did you spread the word or did it spread itself?’’  
  
‘’Bit of both, you want a beer?’’

Castiel nodded, he wasn’t a big beer drinker but it was always good to start with, while saving the heavy hitters for later.   
Luke handed him one seemingly pulling it from nowhere. 

Castiel frowned. ‘’ Thanks?’’

‘’A magician doesn’t tell his secret Cassie.’’  
  
‘’You’re not a magician.’’ 

‘’ But I could be, have you met the new guy yet? I feel like you should, Meg told me all new people should know each other around here, and last I checked you where one of last of them, plus I think you’d like him and my instinct are _pretty_ good, and Meg thinks so too, so you should go talk to him or she’ll probably make you anyways. ’’ 

‘’Did Meg forgot to mention I’ve been here for a whole year already?’’ 

‘’Nope, but I don’t blame her,it felt like yesterday you _fell into our arms_.’’ Luke proved

his point by badly faking a dramatic faint.  
  
Luke was like this, always doing the most to get a laugh out of people, but it (for the most part) seemed to work, and at times his best friend could be genuinely funny. But Luke wasn’t just that, he was more than trying to be the clown at every party,because even though he liked a lot of attention and behaved like a child most of the time, Luke was a good listener, smarter than he let out, and there for Cas when he needed to be. 

’’There wasn’t much falling in your arms, more stumbling into you while trying to find the right class but you and Meg refused to let me get on with my day.’’  
  
‘’And I’m glad we did Cassie, you were walking around like food for the sharks

before we took you in as one of our own.’’ 

‘’It wasn’t that bad, and everyone was having a hard time settling in.’’ 

‘’You would’ve been eaten alive in the first week.’’ 

‘’Shut up.’’ Castiel laughed. 

‘’A small lunchtime snack for the big fish.’’ 

‘’I’m gonna slap you.’’ Castiel warned, with a smile on his face. 

‘’Very little flesh but good crunch, oh so tempting.’’ 

‘’It’s very tempting to put my fist on your face right now.’’

‘’Okay, Okay!’’ Luke raised his hands, and had the audacity to look shocked even with a smile on his face ‘’Let’s keep the violence to a minimum, I’m really not in the mood to deal with cops tonight, you wanna go find the others?’’ 

‘’Yeah sure, if they can handle your insufferable ass.’’  
  
‘’Shut up, I’m a joy to be around.’’ 

‘’If you so say.’’  
  
Castiel followed his best friend, but he felt eyes in the back of his head, so he shot a quick glance while walking and was met with green eyes and a smirk, not one he recognised, which wasn’t that surprising since there were at least 50 people in the same room and Castiel wasn’t good with faces to begin with, but these eyes would sure have caught his attention if he had seen them before, even though Cas only caught a fast glance, there was something about those eyes that made him want to come back for more, they were green, but like the leaves of trees in the middle of the summer when the sun shined on them just right green, with spots of a warm honey brown mixed in between.

‘’Glad to see you’re with us Cas.’’ A low pitched voice said with a sarcastic tone, waking him from his daydream while doing so. Meg had been looking at him with raised eyebrows, apparently he and Luke had reached their destination and made their way over to were she was standing in the corner of the room. 

‘’Oh. Sorry, Hi Meg.’’ 

‘’How much did he drink?’’ She said as she turned to Luke, apparently not trusting Castiel enough to answer her question honestly.

Cas couldn’t blame her, last time he’d drank too much he’d ended up crashing Meg’s motorcycle against a three, he couldn’t even remember how he’d ended up driving in the first place, Castiel had no license or the experience to ride a motor, but yet he’d convinced Meg that he could drive, and was sober enough to do so, which had obviously not been the case and had ended badly for the both of them.

Meg didn’t stay mad for long, although she could hold a grudge if you got on her bad side, she’d liked Castiel enough by then to get over it with sarcastic jokes and letting Castiel buy most of her dinner for a few weeks. In the end she got a new old motorcycle from a friend and it had all worked out. 

‘’Well he didn’t drink enough to be drunk, or have you been pre-partying before you

came here Cassie?’’ Luke asked, being ever so helpful. 

‘’Why the fuck would you drink alone when you’ve got all the alcohol of every anxious

teenager on campus right here, in your own dorm, for free?’’  
  
‘’I don’t know, I didn’t drink alone.’’ Cas said as he tilted his head at Meg and frowned.  
  
She rolled her eyes. ’’Well then get back on planet earth Cas, it’s time to party.’’ 

‘’And this…’’ Luke put an arm around Meg.

‘’…Is why I think you’re one of the brightest minds of ourgeneration.’’   
  
Meg shoved his arm off and grinned,‘’Go get us some shots Luke.’’ 

‘’Aye aye Captain.’’ 

Castiel sipped his beer, as he looked around the room, the green eyes still in the back of his mind. 

‘’Looking for someone?’’ Meg asked while snapping her fingers in front of his face.

‘’What, uh… no?’’ 

‘’Sure..’’ She sounded like she didn’t believe him.   
‘’So that’s why your attentionis all over the place?  
You only do that when you’ve seen someone cute or when  
we’re in shady club and you think we’re gonna get robbed.’’  
  
‘’Because we did get robbed in a shady club once, and it was by someone   
who I thought was cute.’’ 

Meg chuckled, ‘’That was some of my best work.’’ 

‘’The paramedics said he wouldn’t be able to walk for five months.’’ 

‘’No one fucks with my Cas, especially not if they want to fuck you.’’ 

‘’Meg.’’

‘’What? He would’ve, if he hadn’t robbed you.’’  
  
Castiel felt eyes in the back of his head again, he turned around and was met with the same green eyes from before, but this time he also got a better look of the guy’s face, accompanied with the brightest eyes Castiel had ever seen were a refined jawline, pink plump lips, and a button nose that was slightly crooked near the end, freckles were scattered all over the strangers face and his hair was somewhere between blonde and brown, a buzzcut in the late stages of growing out, with messy strands of hair sticking out.   
  
‘’So you’ve met Dean!’’

Castiel jumped at Meg yelling right next to his ear and accidentally spilled some of his beer on his shirt, he tried to rub some of it off with his hands, but when it stained he sighed and doomed it a lost cause. 

'’Thanks for that.’’

‘’You’ve been staring at the guy for 2 minutes straight, If I didn’t interfere your eyeswere  
gonna dry out because you forgot to blink.’’  
  
‘’Who forgot to blink?’’ Luke joined in, handing a shot of vodka to both Meg and Cas. 

‘’I think we should introduce Cas to Dean, like I said before, but you probably conveniently   
forgot to mention that.’’ 

‘’Hey! I did mention that, didn’t I Cas?’’ 

Cas didn’t reply.  
  
‘’Cas?’’  
  
‘’Oh for fuck sake! Just go up to him!’’ Meg snapped.  
  
‘’Should I? I don’t know.. ‘’ Castiel turned to face Luke and Meg again.  
‘’…he seems a little-’’  
  
‘’Too cool for you? Don’t worry about it Cassie! You hang out with us, you go to parties like this.  
The only thing you still need is a fake moustache and a restraining order and you’re good to go!’’ 

‘’Luke, shut the fuck up. Cas, relax, just go up to him, tell him you like his- whatever the fuck you’ve been staring at for the past  
five minutes, and shoot your shot. What could go wrong?’’  
  
‘’Right.. what could go wrong?’’ Castiel threw the vodka shot in his mouth, and swallowed. 

‘’Go get him tiger!’’ Luke encouraged.  
  
Castiel left his friends behind and slowly started to make his way to Dean through the crowd.  
  
  
____________________  
  
Castiel had never felt this nervous in his life before, okay- well, that would be a lie, Luke and Meg had put him in some pretty nerve wrecking situations, so let’s just say he’s never been this nervous to talk to a stranger in his life instead.

  
Dean was talking to what seemed to be a friend of his, but as soon as Cas approached Dean locked eyes with him, forgetting all about whatever conversation he seemed to be having, and his friend went to find someone else to talk to, not seeming too bothered by it. 

‘’Hi, uhh… I’m a friend of Meg.’’ Castiel decided on as an introduction, offering Dean his hand.  
  
‘’Hi friend of Meg, I’m Dean.’’ Dean said, with a grin as he took Cas’ hand and as he shook it,  
Cas mentally slapped himself in the face as he pretty much set Dean up to that one. ‘’If your next pick up line is another dad joke  
I won’t hesitate to take every word I just said back.’’ 

‘’Well that would be a shame, because that way you won’t get to hear the rest of my best lines.’’

‘’Wich would be a shame because…?’’ 

‘’They work… for the most part.’’ Dean shrugged.‘’Can I ask you something?’’ 

‘’Depends on what you wanna ask me.’’  
  
‘’Well I was gonna ask your name, but if you’re cool with being called friend of Meg then that’s also fine with me, you look like you have a better name than that though.’’  
  
Castiel blushed, very unwillingly, _dammit,_ Dean didn’t even have to try to get him to blush, and okay- Cas might be a bit rusty as well, but he’d been busy with school and trying to make sure Meg and Luke didn’t burn down the entire building when he wasn’t looking.

‘’I’m Castiel, but friends call me Cas.’’ 

‘’Well, not your friend yet Castiel, but I hope we can change that.’’ Dean wiggled his eyebrows, making Cas laugh even though  
it wasn’t that funny, it simply looked ridiculous. 

‘’Did you know you got something on your shirt Castiel?’’ 

Cas looked down at his very obviously once white shirt that was now stained

with beer and rolled his eyes at Dean. 

‘’Well- I have a feeling my room is occupied at the moment’’ Castiel said while waving around him.  
‘’so it’s not like I can easily get another shirt.’’  
  
‘’I probably have a less stained spare shirt in my room.’’

‘’Very smooth, Dean.’’

Dean laughed at that, and Castiel was sure it was one of the prettiest laughs

he ever heard- _Fuck,_ he just met this guy, this was gonna end so badly…  
  
'’No but for real, I’d like to get to know you without having to scream my end of the   
small talk, you wanna get out of here?’’ 

…so, _so_ badly.  
  
Castiel didn’t listen to the voice in his head telling him this was going to be a disaster and said;  
‘’Sure, show me that clean shirt.’’ 

Dean smiled as he took Castiel’s hand in his, Castiel tried very hard to ignore the way that it made his spine tingle as Dean guided him to the door.  
  
____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw// Alcohol


	2. The after-party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter are in the notes if you need them!

Dean’s dorm was very different from Cas’s, even though they all look the same when you first arrive at Redwood college. Castiel wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting seeming Dean had been here for a little more than a month at most, but it certainly wasn’t this.

Most students try and make their dorm feel at home as fast as possible, because homesickness is a thing that a lot of them go through in the first weeks.  
  
For Castiel that hadn’t been the case,but because he became close with Meg and Luke fast - he learned that he could decorate his part of the room with whatever he wanted, so he did.  
  
Castiel’s space was filled with photo’s of his friends, posters of some of the bands he liked, lots of plants he’d memorised the original names from and took good care of, art he created, and random trinkets he’d found or Luke got for him, Meg would get him things too- although she mostly saved his presents for holidays and his birthday, and of course every time they got him something, Cas would return the favour, even though he never had that much money, having saved up and paying for College all on his own.

Point is, he liked how his dorm looked, it felt like him. He didn’t have that at home, so in a way, the little space he’d gotten from Redwood felt more like a home than his real one.

But Dean’s dorm looked fresh and clean with little to no personal belongings, save for one picture next to his nightstand, Cas learned nothing about Dean from his dorm.  
  
Cas’s eyes eventually landed on Dean’s again after he’d scanned the room.  
‘’It’s.. empty?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Dean scratched the back of his head. ‘’That’s one word for it I guess, the guy I shared the room with dropped out in the first week, administration  
told me they have so many room’s left that they were okay with me not sharing this one with anyone, I didn’t mind, I’m better on my own, and as you can see, I don’t really  
do decorating.’’ Dean said as he went to grab a shirt out of his closet hidden away in the corner.  
  
‘’At least it smells fresh, not many other people here can say that.’’  
  
Dean laughed as he handed Castiel a clean t-shirt.  
‘’Well I haven’t been here a lot, so you might want to take that back in a few weeks.’’

‘’I highly doubt that, you smell nice, if it smells bad in here it wouldn't be because of you.’’  
  
Dean looked a bit taken aback at that, it was a strange compliment. 

‘’Thanks- uh.. I guess.’

‘’It’s a nice change for once, my roommate never cleans his room in our dorm, and honestly I don't know why we spend so much time in there, it smells like shit.’’  
  
Castiel pulled the beer stained t-shirt over his head, leaving him with an exposed torso and like he’d already guessed he saw Dean staring at him in the corner of his eye. (its what people tended to do and, Cas knew he something people could stare at)  
Castiel pretended he didn’t noticed it and when he was done changing, Dean seemed to be very busy staring at the blank walls of his boring dorm room, it made Cas smile to himself.  
Dean went to sit down on the bed next to Castiel and for a brief moment neither of the two knew what to say. Cas’ eye drifted back to the photo frame next to Dean’s bed.  
  
Normally Castiel wouldn’t care much about the family of one of his random hook ups.  
But something about Dean intrigued Cas, it pulled him in and made Cas look at the stranger like he was a puzzle waiting to be solved. It was new to Cas, because- it went deeper than some beautiful green eyes and a cute smile.  
Castiel wanted to know more about Dean, he wanted to know what and who was important to Dean and how he would react if Cas were to ask about those important things.  
Would he shut down? Or would he want to know about Cas’s important things too?  
  
‘’Can.. Can I ask who the kid from the picture is?’’ Castiel tried out carefully.  
  
‘’You wanna do family talk…? Already? I think we might need more alcohol for that first.’’ Dean laughed.

Okay, not the best reaction, maybe too early on for the important things.   
But it wasn't the worst reaction, seeming Castiel had just met this guy and yet Dean was hinting that they would talk about real things later on, that was a good sign.  
  
Also, more alcohol did sound like a good idea.  
  
‘’Probably, do you have some more here?’’

Dean grinned as he reached over Castiel to grab something underneath the bed. ‘’I’m always prepared for an after-party.’’ He handed Castiel a bottle of vodka  
with a smile.

‘’You drink this straight?’’

‘’I don’t do anything straight.’’ Dean answered. 

Castiel rolled his eyes. ‘’You got anything to mix it with?’’

_________________________

Castiel and Dean had ended up drinking at least a little more than half of the bottle mixed together with sprite before they really started to feel it, they had been passing it along while making small talk and jokes, lots of jokes, because Dean was a funny guy, or well, he tried his best to make Castiel laugh, but Cas shared a room with Luke so he was used to the weirdest and dumbest taste of humor someone could think of, so it left Dean with a challenge he gladly took on.

But all in all, Dean was witty, quick with a comeback and had Castiel laughing until his stomach hurt and tears were starting to form in his eyes.  
  
Castiel liked that about Dean.  
He also liked the way he scrunched his nose when he needed to think, the small freckles on his face that only appeared when hit with the shitty lighting that came from Dean’s slightly flickering lamp, his voice and Dean’s stories that seemed to have matching themes with Castiel’s adventures, and Castiel couldn’t get over how easy it was to loose himself in Dean’s eyes, Cas was sure he loved Dean’s eyes,and he might have a little bit of a crush on the guy himself.

Okay, sure, maybe a big crush.  
But Castiel couldn’t help it, when he falls he falls quickly.  
He gets attached to people easily and destroyed when they leave, he falls in love with the little things about a person and stays for the bigger ones, even if that person doesn’t see his little things or cares enough to know the big ones.  
  
Dean seemed to care though.

When Castiel asked a question Dean asked it back, and when Castiel told a story Dean would listen and ask questions. It seemed like Dean wanted to get to know Castiel just as much as Castiel wanted to get to know Dean.

But then again, they always care a lot at first, until they get what they want.

Castiel shook that thought out of his head and focused on Dean again.  
Who was currently tapping his finger to the beat of a song.

‘’I love this song.’’ Dean said.  
  
It was the same song the entirety of Redwood College loved.

‘’Really?’’ Castiel sighed. ‘'You too?’'

‘’Did you know the singer got caught in a robbery?’’

Yes, Castiel knows that.  
Everyone on freaking campus knew it too for some reason.

But he liked to hear Dean talk so he said; ‘’No, what did he steal?’’

‘’Some ancient jewels, for his freaking wife. I don’t get it though, the guy is successful and had no connections  
with any criminals, until he decided he wanted to become one by stealing jewels he could easily afford the replica’s of.’’  
  
‘’Maybe he liked the gesture.’’

Dean frowned at Cas.

‘’Well, it would’ve been easy for him to just buy the fakes, but maybe his wife had personal attachments to these jewels, or they may have been decorated  
with her favourite crystals in the entire world. Either way, he wanted to get the real ones because only the real ones would be good enough for her, even  
if they were impossible to get and not up for sale.’’ 

‘’Still a crappy gesture, she now doesn’t have the jewels or him.’’

‘’He’ll get out of jail in a few months. Everyone knows and loves the story, and he’s way too much of a public figure to be in there for a long time, they’ll go easy on him.’’

‘’Yeah, that’s true I guess.’’Dean took the vodka-sprite mix from Castiel’s hand and drank from it before getting up.

‘’Do you like to dance Castiel?’’

‘’No, but I assume you do so you want me to do so as well.’’  
  
Dean put the bottle down before dramatically offering his hand to Castiel.   
‘’Can I have this Dance?’’

‘’I-uhh.. ‘’ Castiel scratched the back of his neck but before he knew it Dean had pulled him from the bed and was holding onto  
his hand with an adoring look on his face.

How could Castiel say no to that?

Castiel smiled as he put his hand on Dean’s hips and placed their other intertwined hands on Dean’s chest.

‘’So _you have_ done this before?’’ Dean asked as they slowly started to sway to the song together.  
It wasn’t actually as bad as Cas thought it was, he had just found the song a bit too corny, a bit too slow for something like a party.

But he thinks he got why everyone liked it so much now.  
‘’Not like this.’’  
  
Deans eyes sparkled, and Cas couldn’t take his off of Dean.  
Everything seemed perfect, and Castiel was sure he’d never experienced something that felt so close to flying.

His feet easily followed Deans, he felt light and safe, slightly tipsy and giggly from the butterflies in his stomach, but safe, in Dean’s hand.

‘’I don’t think I’ve ever danced like this either.’’ Dean laughed. ‘’It’s good though, you’re good.’’

‘’I know.’’ Castiel smiled.

Dean brought his hand up to Castiel’s face and slightly brushed his chin with his fingertips. ‘’I like you Castiel.’’

Castiel felt a surge of bravery (that may or may not have been caused by the vodka) and when Dean’s eyes briefly flickered to his lips, he didn't linger or wait and  
pulled the young man closer while going in for a kiss.

Dean was somehow still surprised even after his endless flirting and teasing tonight, but only surprised for a second, he quickly recovered, closed his eyes and deepened the kiss.  
Dean tasted like vodka and mint, and Castiel could smell his cologne, it was a strong one, and kind of spicy, but it smelled like Dean. Castiel liked that too.

Kissing Dean was overwhelming but in the best way possible, it felt like thousands sensations Castiel hadn’t felt before so severe but had somehow experienced before  
all came to crush him at once, but they were all good new sensations, even if they felt suffocating.

Dean pulled away after he bit on Castiel’s lower lip teasingly with a smirk on his face.  
  
‘’Where did you learn that Castiel?’’

‘’You can call me Cas.’’  
  
Dean nodded with a smile. ‘’Right, where did you learn that… _Cas?_ ’’

Cas also liked the way the nickname sounded in Dean’s voice, he hoped to hear it more.  
  
‘’From strangers like you.’’ Castiel answered before he went in for another round.  
  
_________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Alcohol


	3. A nightmare and a Daydream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I've changed this chapter a bit after first posting it because I wasn't completely happy with how it flowed.  
> It also goes slightly deeper into what can be some heavy subjects for some of you, so if you're sensitive to  
> them I suggest you check the trigger warnings in the notes to see what they are before reading.  
> Thanks for reading and enjoy the chapter!

Castiel was having a hard time focussing on his essay.  
He kept zoning in and out on the letters, his eyes not deciding if they wanted to read the next line or simply stop working.

He wish he could close his eyes, for just a second.  
But he’d stayed up all night yesterday with Dean, dancing and kissing the night away.  
It had been one of the best nights if not the best night of Cas’ life.  
With something like that fresh in the back in his head (or at least, as fresh as the alcohol allowed him to remember it) a major hangover, and zero sleep, it was no wonder he couldn’t focus.

He sighed, he was not getting anywhere like this.  
He took a break, a shower, made coffee and decided to try again later.

__________________________________

Cas was humming something under his breath when Luke suddenly appeared next to him. Castiel

Didn’t even look up from his homework. He still had had a deadline tonight and couldn’t afford to be distracted right now.

‘’And here I was thinking you hate that song.’’

‘’I don’t hate it.’’

‘’Please.’’ Luke huffed. ‘’You almost broke down the bathroom door one time because I played it once while showering.’’

‘’That’s because you were singing along and your voice is worse than terrible.’’  
Cas said still not looking up from his work.

‘’Hey! My voice is angelic, the echo in the bathroom just makes it sound weird.’’

‘’There’s no echo and you can barely call that bathroom, it’s a shower and a toilet.’’  
  
‘’Whatever, you’re avoiding my question.’’

‘’That’s because you didn’t ask a question.’’

‘’Well! I was.. gonna get to that.’’ Luke crossed his arm.

Castiel sighed and dropped his pencil onto his desk in defeat. ’’Luke I’m busy, I need to finish this essay tonight and I’m nowhere near done, either tell me what you need and if the answer is attention go find Meg.’’

‘’I know Dean likes this song.’’ Luke said, stubbornly refusing to drop the subject, because if there was one thing he was good at it was not minding his own business. ‘’Fucking everyone likes this song, who says I like it because of Dean?’ ‘’Me. Because you know it from Dean.’’

‘’Luke, please fuck off.’’

‘’But you dooo! Did you dance to it with him? It’s a great song to dance to!’’

Castiel’s thoughts went back to that night for just a mere second and even though he tried he couldn’t conceal the blush that crept onto his face.

‘’You’re as red as a tomato! You so danced to this together!’’

‘’If I say I did, will you go away?’’

‘’I don’t get why you don’t want my company, but if that is your wish, it will be my command.’’

‘’And you won’t tell Meg?’’

‘’Not a single word.’’ Luke ‘’zipped’’ his mouth shut to illustrate his point.

Castiel doubted that Luke wouldn't tell Meg, but right now he couldn't care less, it's not like she doesn't know that he left the party with Dean.

‘’Fine, yes, we listened to it together, and I enjoy it more now. Now please leave.’’

‘’Ha! I knew it!’’

‘’Luke.’’

''Alright, alright I’ll take my leave. Good talk Cas!’’

Cas flipped him off while Luke dance triumphantly and closed the door behind him.

_______

_‘’What are you trying to tell me here Castiel?’’_

_His father was mad, no- furious._

_His face was red, his eyes wide and the veins on his forehead seems about to pop from anger._

_Castiel had been scared of this, his Father’s wrath was the exact same reason he hadn’t wanted the truth to come out._

_‘’I don’t know.’’_

_His father turned away from him, Cas had been left looking at the triangles on his blouse._

_Triangle’s. His father had been wearing a blouse with triangles._

_The triangle’s were blue- but not blue like the ocean, it was a softer blue, like a clear sky on a summer day. The rest of the blouse was a broken white, and it had been a bit too big on his father because he’d recently lost weight._

_Strange isn’t it? How your mind can focus on those tiny details, especially if you consider how this had been such a severe turning point in Castiel’s life._

_Suddenly his Dad’s back straightened._

_Castiel knew his father had just realised something, and that this meant bad news._

_He turned around fast, was in front of Castiel in two big, heavy steps._

_His Dad’s hand seemed to raise in slow motion, and the words had echo’d in Castiel’s nightmares ever since._

_‘’My son is no faggot.’’_

Castiel woke with a gasp.

He’d fallen asleep while working on an essay, again. He sighed and took in a shaky breath, as he rubbed his eyes. 

He reminded himself that it was just a dream, his father wasn't here, and he was on campus.

It had been a while since his father, and that particular scene had crept into his dreams and made them nightmares, and he had to admit this was really poor timing as well. His eyes shifted to the now cold coffee on his right and he almost automatically grabbed the cup and gulped the rest down.

He hated whenever this happened, whenever nightmares plagues his nights and he would be left disoriented and distracted for the entire day, it was one of the worst feeling in the world and could make what could've been good days, start and end as bad ones. 

How the hell would he be able to work on his essay like this?

Cas let his head fall onto the desk in defeat.

Maybe he should just close his eyes again, and let Meg notify his teacher that he was sick tomorrow,  
and he had to admit it would be nice to have an excuse to stay in bed all day and watch his favourite  
shitty sitcome.

Castiel was abruptly shaken from his thoughts by a knock on the door. He looked up with an annoyed grunt and glanced angrily at his alarm clock.

What dumbass was knocking on his door at 3AM?

He looked around to see if it had waken Luke up and when he heard slight snoring coming from his closed door, Cas stood up and walked to the door slowly, as he did there was another knock a bit too loud for Cas's liking..

‘’Sssht! I’m coming, but- ‘’ He opened the door, ''Its 3 fucking am! What-‘’

Dean Winchester was leaning in his doorpost with a mischievous grin on a face.

‘’Nice to see you again too.’’ Dean muttered while walking past the now frozen in place, and open mouthed Cas.

Castiel blinked and regained his train of thought, he strutted (as silently as he could) to where Dean was standing.

‘’What the hell are you doing here dean? We’re not allowed out of our room’s past 1AM and my roommate is sleeping! Just like everyone else  
on campus!’’ Castiel whispered angrily.

Dean smiled and pulled something out of his pocket.

‘’I wanted to split this with you.’’

In Dean’s hand was a perfectly rolled joint.

Castiel sighed.

‘’You woke me up at 3AM to go.. smoke? Couldn't that wait?’’

‘’Yes and no, I wanted to see you now, not tomorrow.’’

Cas's eyes shifted to the joint, ‘’You know that’s not allowed on campus either right?’’

‘’Yup.’’

‘’Dean, don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed last night. But I’d be crazy to ditch working on one of the most heavy hitting assignments due  
this year to go smoke a joint with someone I’ve known for _one_ day.’’

‘’Well …are you?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Crazy? Are ya crazy?’’

‘’No! Dean I’m serious! I can’t stop working on this.’’

Dean frowned, ‘’I thought you said you already went to bed, and I woke you up?’’

Castiel wasn’t really all that frustrated with Dean.

He’s smoked before with Meg and Luke (but more frequently with Meg) so that was not the problem either, but the assignment was really important, and he  
knew his family always kept a close look on his grades, even though they couldn’t be bothered paying for any of it, yet they wanted to see how he was doing so  
badly that paying the teachers off to spy on their son was a choice they choose to make.

‘’I fell asleep working on it, and I woke up a second before you knocked on the door.’’

‘’Ah, that’s why you’re this grumpy. Have you had your coffee yet? We can go and get some if you want.’’

‘’Yes, I made some before I fell asleep, and even if I didn't where would we get coffee right now? Once again, It’s literally 3am.’’

‘’There’s a good 24/7 diner just out of campus.’’

Castiel crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

''Ash's?' 

''Yeah! '' 

‘’You don’t give up easily do you?’’

‘’Nope. So, what’ya say? We gonna you another round of coffee and get high or you gonna stare at that real empty lookin' paper for another 4 hours?’’

‘’It’s not _entirely_ empty.’’

‘’Writing your name down doesn’t count.’’

But Dean had a point, he wasn’t going to get anywhere tonight, _especially_ if he would be left feeling guilty about having turned down a chance to spend time with Dean.

‘’Fine, okay, you win. Let’s go.’’

Dean grinned and took Cas by the hand.

‘’Tag along.’’

______________________________

‘’I can’t believe I’m going to call in sick tomorrow for _this.’’_

Cas let his head fall against the three they were sitting against, it was at the back of an abandoned park out of sight and out of campus,  
so they wouldn’t be caught smoking weed by anyone.

Dean frowned at him while exhaling smoke from his mouth.

‘’If you don’t feel it yet, you’re gonna need a bigger hit.’’

‘’Or, maybe- you should’ve bought a bigger joint.’’

‘’Hey! It’s bigger than most clowns could say they’ve had here on campus.’’

Cas stared at Dean, and was barely containing a laugh.

‘’What?’’

Cas giggled.

‘’What are you on about?’’

That made Cas started to laugh louder.

Dean’s smile dropped quickly as he realised what Cas found so funny.

‘’Oh C’mon really? That’s what you compare a _joint_ to?’’

‘’ _It’s bigger than most!_ ’’ Cas repeated in a voice meant to mock Dean’s.

‘’Shut up and take the joint.’’

Cas huffed as he put the joint in his mouth.

They were silent for a moment as Cas smoked some of it. He debated on telling Dean about his nightmare as the atmosphere around them shifted into something more serious, before deciding against it and instead asking Dean about the picture on his bedside table again.

''You forgot to answer yesterday, and I'm kinda curious, who is the kid on the picture next to your bed?'' 

‘’it’s my brother Sam, he’s a few years younger than me, but like, twice as smart.’’ Dean answered.

‘’He might be, but you’re not dumb either.’’

‘’Thanks, but I’m not exaggerating. He sees things no one would think twice about, and yet he's sincere and a good kid. He wants to become a lawyer, and help people.’’Dean huffed. ‘’He’s 14 and he’s stood by that since he was 8 years old.’’

‘’Do you think he’ll be able to?’’

‘’Easily. He’ll ace his college with his eyes closed, and even if he doesn’t, I’ll be proud of whatever he goes on to do.’’

‘’Sounds like you two are close.’’

‘’We.. ‘’ Dean looks away, focussing on something in the distance and probably asking himself if he should share whatever was going on in his mind with Cas.

He eventually choose to go on.

‘’We kinda had to be, our mum died when I was four years old, Sammy was just six months. Our dad was a wreck after that, it messed him up real bad, and he started drinking. He would be there- but he wasn't himself. He wasn't a good dad, and Sammy needed someone to look up to- I'm not a good role model but I'm a hell of a lot better than my dad. '’

''That's not true, think you're a great role model. You're really good with people, and if Sam is so smart, you helped him get this far, without your support and  
someone like you in his life to look up too he migh'tve grown up to be very different.''

‘’Thanks, but I'm not perfect, he deserved someone better.'' ''Don't be this hard on yourself, you were a child too, with a lot of responsibility you shouldn't have to carry.'' Dean seemed to think about that for a moment, Cas was glad his words were reaching him. Eventually Dean spoke up again, softly. ''I think my dad did the best he could, I think, at the time.'' ''Probably, but that doesn’t make it easier for you and Sam, or okay.’ Cas sought out Dean's eyes. '’I’m really sorry you had to go through all that Dean, you really shouldn’t have had to, but if it brings you comfort, I think your mother would be proud of you. And Sammy definitely is too.’’

Dean looked at Cas again, and Cas saw something shift in his face.

Cas guessed Dean hadn’t heard that before, and he probably really needed to.

Cas meant it as he told this, now less stranger, '’I know I’m proud.’’

Dean smiled sadly, and it may have been a trick of the light, but Castiel could swear his eyes were tearing up.

Suddenly Dean's face hardened, he nodded tightly and swallowed, like he had to bring that information and his emotions down to his stomach.

‘’Thanks Cas, you don’t know how much that means to hear from you.’’

‘’I think I might do, in a way. ’’

Dean shifted closer and put his head on Cas’s shoulder, hands still intertwined but now laying in between both their legs.

‘’Do- do you have any siblings?’’ Dean asked Cas.

‘’Yeah, they’re all big pains in my ass though.’’

Dean huffed, ‘’I bet they are, how many?’’

‘’I have five, but I only get along with three of them.’’ 

Dean whistled. ‘’Damn that’s a pretty big family, I can see how that must get on your nerves.’’

‘’You have no idea.’’ Cas laughed. 

‘’How come you don’t get along with some of your siblings?’’

‘’Ishim and Zachariah well.. Let’s just say they believe whatever my parents say blindly, and my parents should be questioned for their methods or at least heavily criticised for most of them.’’

‘’You don’t have to use the fancy words with me Cas, tell me about it.’’

‘’Those were not-‘’ Cas looked at Dean’s raised head and eyebrow on his shoulder, before saying ‘’Nevermind.’’ and dropping it.

‘’Well.. it’s a complicated situation to sum it up. But my parents are very religious, and try to put words in all of our heads, I didn’t want them there, just like my older brother Gabriel, and Samandriel and Anna. But Zachariah and Ishim continued my parents way of life, which doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but the way they lived it meant they automatically hated me because of who I am and love.’’

‘’Shit, Cas I’m sorry.’’

‘’It’s fine. I’ve learned how to find my own way, I just wish I didn’t have to do it alone.  
I know I made the right choice but my parents won’t allow any contact at all with my younger siblings.’’

‘’I’d go crazy not knowing if Sammy is okay.’’ Dean took the joint again as Cas passed it to him.

‘’It is hard, especially with Sam he-…’’ Dean raised his eyebrows.

‘’Oh, yeah, I guess we both got little brothers named Sam to worry about. I’m talking about Samandriel.’’

Dean smiled. ’’Sam’s not his full name either, his ‘’long’’ name is Samuel, but he hates that name, Sammy annoys him enough though, so that’s my favourite.’’ 

‘’He’s not an 8 year old anymore Dean, I can assure you that the older he gets the more he’s gonna complain about it.’’ 

‘’He can try. Samandriel though- _That_ is a mouth full, nicknaming is probably a common thing y’all do.’’

‘’My parents hate it whenever we let someone shorten our name.’’

‘’Of course they do. Wait- is that why you like being called Cas so much? Because your parents hate it?’’

Cas smiled, ‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Rebel.’’ Dean smiled back.

‘’Grew up alongside 2 of them, kinda rubs off I guess, Sam wasn't around yet, but he's starting to get there. '' ''Looks like I'm not the only role model. How did he take it when you left?'' Cas avoided Dean's eyes as he continued, he felt guilty for not being able to be there for his younger brother. ''Gabe told me he’s been having a hard time at home, and school, I think he might not be talking about anything anymore to anyone in that house, we were close as well.’’

‘’what about your other siblings? He should be able to talk to someone in his family, right?’’

‘’Zachariah and Ishim don’t care about anyone other than themselves, my parent’s don’t believe in talking about stuff, Gabe moved away and isn't always able to check up on him and Anna is just a year older than him and very different.’’

‘’I can see how that complicates things.’’ Dean said while he started to draw circles on Cas’ hand. Cas noticed Dean did that a lot, he always needs to have or do something with his hands, he fidgeted a lot, subconsciously or not, but Cas didn’t mind, he just wondered why that was so he stored it away in his brain to ask about another time, it wasn't important for now.

‘’What about your Sam, you know he’s somewhere save right?’’ he asked instead. ‘’Luckily. There was no way in hell I was gonna leave him with my dad, he’s with my uncle, Bobby, he’s a really good guy, and besides me the only one I would trust blindly with Sam’s life.’’

‘’Must be nice to have someone like that in your life.’’

‘’Yeah, It really is. Bobby has helped us a lot, I think we both see him as our real dad.’’

Dean and Cas continued talking about nothing and everything until the sun started to go up, with their hands never leaving each other, that was until Cas remembered he had barely eaten anything yesterday because of that stupid assignment and his stomach was beginning to growl at him for it now.

‘’Hey Dean.’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Is that 24/7 diner still open?’’

‘’Cravings kicking in?’’

Cas nodded with a yawn.

‘’Looks like you also need that second cup of coffee right about now.’’

After ordering pancakes at Ash’s and absolutely devouring them, they sneaked back into school and rushed through the empty corridors before ending up at Cas’ door.

‘’I hope you spill something on your shirt again soon Cas.’’

‘’Or you find another shitty joint again.’’

‘’Tell that to your red eyes and coughing fits three hours ago.’’ 

‘’See you soon Dean.’’

‘’Goodluck with that essay, and if you wanna text, call or whatever, I left my number on the back of that receipt in your ass pocket!’’ Dean shouted before entering his dorm at the end of the hallway.

Cas took the receipt out of his pocket and smiled before closing his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw// Child abuse/neglect, homophobia, homophobic slurs, recreational drug use (weed) and mentions of alcoholism


End file.
